Villianry

For school I wrote a letter pretending to be Batman.  Here it is.

Dear villians,

I am sorry to have to write you this letter, but I feel that I must.  As you may or may not know, when I am not masked, that is, when I am not Batman, I am a wealthy playboy.  I own one of the most successful businesses in town and am able to earn quite a lucrative living from said business.  Please understand that I am unable to divulge the name of my business on the grounds that it would enable you to know my true identity, thus placing my life in grave danger.  I trust that you will make no inquiries as to my business, just as I make none into yours.  How I see it, your personal life is your own and it is no concern to me how you make a living when you are not participating in villanry and other frowned upon activities.  That being said...

You must understand how busy and hectic everyday life can be at times.  What with trying to live a secret life in the late hours of the night and retain the facade of an everyday joe during the daytime.  And furthermore, you also must understand how desired a holiday away can be at times.  So here is my proposal; I propose that we all take some time off, me from battling crime during the wee hours of the night, and you from committing crime during the same wee hours.  Presumably, you have agreed to the idea of a vacation and already may find yourself dreaming of a nice cold mojito on a sandy beach somewhere in the Caribbean.  At least that is what I am dreaming of, it is likely that you may vacation in Europe, say skiing the Alps? or touring the Eiffel Tower?  

I will be away for the month of April, and would appreciate it very much if you could try to plan your time off correspondingly.  I realise that you may not be able to get time off your regular (day) job in April, but I believe that if we are all on the same page for this, we can all enjoy some much needed time off without too much overlapping, for example,  Say Joker, perhaps you would leave a little before me, the last week of March perhaps.  That would cause you to arrive back in Gotham a week before me.  I could see how that may cause you to possibly go onto a crime spree for a week seeing as I would not be there to stop you.  Obviously I would frown upon such activities.  So just to avoid an awkward situation, we should just all agree on April as our vacation time.  Plus, a little side note, April would be ideal for me because it would put me in the islands well away from hurricane season.  Thank you all very much for hearing me out.

Your favorite “Pain in the ass”

your local cape crusader at large

Batman.  

Hooray for bikes!

The other morning I was putting my bike into the back seat of Kelly's car, when a man that I recognized from down the street came jogging up.  He saw my bike and excitedly shouted, "Hoooray for bikes!"  He was jogging in plaid pajama pants, a T-shirt and those strappy sandals (chacos or something like that) with socks on underneath.  He got closer and said, "You guys like bikes?"

"Yes, they're fun."

"Yeah me too. I ride like twenty miles a day."

This was just as he was still jogging up to us.  When he got to us ("us" meaning Kelly and I) he continued jogging in place and speaking to us.  And keep in mind, the whole time he spoke he was VERY excited.  "Do you ride alot?"

"Oh just around town, usually not very far."

"Man I love riding bikes, exercise too!  I run and bike alot. I just did a thirty mile ride the other day!"  He began jogging back and forth in front of me.  Literally back and forth, five steps to the left, five to the right.  "Well alright I'm gonna keep goin'!"  And he jogged off around the cul-de-sac.

  We got into the car and started driving.  On our way down the road, he appeared from between two buildings and saw us.  He raised both hands above his head and waved and I think jogged a little faster.  Just to show off a little.  Funny guy. 

homework

If you couldn't tell by the title, this is a homework assignment.  We were supposed to start a new story that began with the last line on an old story that we wrote.  So that's what I did.  The old story was not pleasing to me, I just did what I had to do.  But it was a dialogue between a woman being released from prison and the officer releasing her.  It sucked and I just did it so I would get credit.  It ended with the line, "Well alright, bye."  Which is where this one takes off.  I wrote it in about twenty minutes and didn't really read over it once I finished it, so feel free to take out that red pen and mark it up where I used incorrect punctuation or spelled a work incorrectly.

“Well alright, bye.”  She said as she took her first step toward the door.  She never looked back, she just walked right out through the door and immediately embraced her renewed freedom.  She stopped on the sidewalk and looked around.  Her new surroundings were vastly different from the prison cell that she had spent the last twenty years in.  To her left, where her bunk would have been, she found a bustling street filled with people.  To her right, where there was nothing but a cinder block wall, she saw a museum, filled with beautiful paintings and sculptures.  And the most profound difference was directly above her.  Where there was only dull gray cement ceiling in her cell, she could see the infinite sky, clear and blue.  

She stood there, outside of the prison doors for several minutes, just listening to the sounds of the city.  The sounds that she dreamt of while in captivity.  She stood there, listening, and looking.  Staring at the sky, watching the birds soaring effortlessly.  She followed one with her eyes for as long as she could see it.  She watched the way it flew around, looking for a good tree branch to land on where it could find some plump insects to lunch on.  She watched the way it landed on the branch; swooping down while in flight, approaching the branch with speed, then flapping it's wings backward to slow down causing it to hoover for an instant before setting down onto the chosen branch.  She marveled at the delicate grace of the little blackbird and watched it until it flew away.

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.  She focused on the air  she was breathing and felt it travel through her body filling her lungs wholly.  The air was hers, the world was hers, she was free.  She held the air in for a few seconds and then slowly released it back into the atmosphere.  She pretended that she could see her exhaled breath leaving her body and traveling upward into the sky.  It moved lightly, higher and higher until it reached as high as the tallest building.  She saw it stop and turn around, her breath came back down to her and told her, “Thank you, thank you for releasing me.”  It floated away again and dissipated into a million particles that mingled with the rest of the air.

She began to walk down the sidewalk, the world was new, all was fresh.  Liberated and free she strode along the bustling sidewalk and disappeared among the millions of people that she now shared the city with.

photo phun

I realize that I'm not Joey, so I can't take pictures that make everyone look cool no matter what they're doing.  But here are some fun snapshots anyway.

This is my brother Chad (left, looking like a badass) and my cousin Wyatt (right, he was scared of drowning (life jacket)).

This is my angler Dad.  His name is Walt.  People tell me that I look just like him when he was my age.  This terrifies me.  His friends used to call him "Eight pack Walt," like how some of my friends call me "Eight pack Zach."  Now his friends just call him "Fat ass."  Hopefully not a sign of things to come, but if it is, sorry Kelly, It's my genetics.

He has kissed every fish he has ever caught.  Weird and gross.