Monday, October 06, 2008

Yet another assignment.  For this one we modernized a fairy tale or folk tale to make it better suit the times.  On a side note, when we turned in our two assignments for the week (the other was a How to guide) we were told to post them in the discussion page.  Meaning that the entire class will be able to read your assignments.  The assignments are due today by midnight, that leaves just under five hours, and I am the only one to turn anything in.  This is remarkable because I thought I was the biggest procrastinator in the world.  I'm worried for my class mates.  

There was an old sow with three little pigs. When the three little pigs turned eighteen years old the sow told them they had to move out saying, "I can't afford to have you three sitting here all day long and eating all of the food! Go and buy your own house and eat your own food!" So off the three little pigs went into the big scary world to make a living and buy their own homes and food. The first went to Wolfe Banking to get a loan to build his house. He told the man at the bank, "I am just moving out of my mother's house and would like to build a home for myself. I have no job and no way to pay you back, but may I please have a loan?" The loan officer smiled, showing a set of shiny and sharp teeth, and said, "Of course my little piggy, you will have thirty years to pay back your loan with no interest whatsoever. However after thirty years your interest will be 783%. But you should have it paid off by then." The little pig was delighted. He signed in all the appropriate places and took the loan and built his home. Thirty years later, after squandering his money away and not saving, he received a letter from Wolfe Banking. The letter said that the little f piggy's interest free grace period was up and that he owed 5 million dollars to the bank. The letter continued that they would seize and repossess and they would take his house back. The little pig said, "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!" So they seized and they repossessed the piggy's home and gobbled him up in debt. The second little pig got a job in a deli. He earned the minimum wage and worked twenty five hours a week. Being a part time employee he did not qualify for medical benefits. And seeing that he earned only the minimum wage, he could not afford health insurance. One day when slicing the roast beef at work, he accidentally chopped his finger off. A co-worker was able to quickly retrieve the finger from the ground and place it in a cup of ice. The little piggy was taken to Blue Wolf Health Care where they were able to reattach the finger. One month later, the second little pig received a bill in the mail. It was from Blue Wolf Health Care and it said that he owed them 78 thousand dollars for reattaching his finger. The bill had a letter attached that read,"Mr. Pig we regret to inform you that unless you pay the above sum, we will be forced to seize and repossess your home." The pig was greatly angered by this and he wrote back to the Blue Wolf Health Care insurance company, "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!" So the Blue Wolf Health Care seized and repossessed and gobbled the second little pig up in debt. The third little piggy moved to England and enjoyed the benefits of receiving socialized medical care. He worked at a good job and lived responsibly and never bought things that he could not afford. And he lived happily ever after.

5 comments:

scott J tyler said...

fun story, but you forgot to mention that if the little piggy moved to england he would soon have bad teeth (as all english people do). Apparently socialized health care does not include dental.

Joel said...

I thought the little piggy that sliced of his finger cried "wee, wee, wee" all the way home...

Anonymous said...

YEA! i didnt know you had a blog.. I am happy now :)

Kooy To The World said...

Excellent retelling. I had an assignment like that in a spanish class a couple of years ago. I retold the story of the ugly duckling. In my version he was so jealous of the beautiful swans that he massacred every single one of them then moved to a dingy hovel in new york where he refused to leave his appartment for fear that the police would recognize him as the ugly, jealous, murderous creature he is. The story ends with his paranoia and guilt forcing him to commit suicide because every time he looks into the mirror he swears that he sees the faces of the beautiful swans he murdered.

Kim said...

Great post Zach. You really did a great job re-telling the classic fairy tale.

I'll be looking forward to reading more of what you have to share.

Blessings-
Kim