Villianry

For school I wrote a letter pretending to be Batman.  Here it is.

Dear villians,

I am sorry to have to write you this letter, but I feel that I must.  As you may or may not know, when I am not masked, that is, when I am not Batman, I am a wealthy playboy.  I own one of the most successful businesses in town and am able to earn quite a lucrative living from said business.  Please understand that I am unable to divulge the name of my business on the grounds that it would enable you to know my true identity, thus placing my life in grave danger.  I trust that you will make no inquiries as to my business, just as I make none into yours.  How I see it, your personal life is your own and it is no concern to me how you make a living when you are not participating in villanry and other frowned upon activities.  That being said...

You must understand how busy and hectic everyday life can be at times.  What with trying to live a secret life in the late hours of the night and retain the facade of an everyday joe during the daytime.  And furthermore, you also must understand how desired a holiday away can be at times.  So here is my proposal; I propose that we all take some time off, me from battling crime during the wee hours of the night, and you from committing crime during the same wee hours.  Presumably, you have agreed to the idea of a vacation and already may find yourself dreaming of a nice cold mojito on a sandy beach somewhere in the Caribbean.  At least that is what I am dreaming of, it is likely that you may vacation in Europe, say skiing the Alps? or touring the Eiffel Tower?  

I will be away for the month of April, and would appreciate it very much if you could try to plan your time off correspondingly.  I realise that you may not be able to get time off your regular (day) job in April, but I believe that if we are all on the same page for this, we can all enjoy some much needed time off without too much overlapping, for example,  Say Joker, perhaps you would leave a little before me, the last week of March perhaps.  That would cause you to arrive back in Gotham a week before me.  I could see how that may cause you to possibly go onto a crime spree for a week seeing as I would not be there to stop you.  Obviously I would frown upon such activities.  So just to avoid an awkward situation, we should just all agree on April as our vacation time.  Plus, a little side note, April would be ideal for me because it would put me in the islands well away from hurricane season.  Thank you all very much for hearing me out.

Your favorite “Pain in the ass”

your local cape crusader at large

Batman.